by Najaam Lee
This is a question I posed to myself all the time and now I ask you, What If You Never Marry? What Then?
In the land we live in, marriage has been the fairy tale dream of all dreams. That Cinderella type story of Prince charming finding us and wisking us away into this massive mansion and live happily ever after.
I was once that little girl, dreaming of white stallion horses pulling my elaborate crystal carriage from my little tiny apartment to the palace on the other side of town, and the trumpets blowing loud, you can hear hundreds of miles away– a bit of exaggeration, but you get me. And walking down that runway aisle dressed in a one of a kind white ball gown, and my Prince waiting for me at the top with the biggest 100 karat platinum diamond ring surrounded by 27 karat gold… something like that– the whole town could see my bling!
But lets fast-track up to 2013, I’m not married. I’m single, a mom, a business owner and artist. Living my life without a husband, boyfriend or partner. And I feel for the first time in my life- COMPLETE. I’m not in want of a man in my life. Like those feelings no longer float around me. Is it because I’m older, wiser, and truly know myself better than before? Am I aging like red-wine? Sitting deep within myself and accepting of myself? or Am I so focused on my business and child that a man just doesn’t fit into my life? Maybe, I don’t want to do the compromising anymore? or that crazy feeling like I can’t say NO or I have to put him first because he leads our household?
I’ve come to learn that those rules we create don’t exist in any holy book. And when I mean holy, I mean that man has not tampered with it by so called ” writing for God, or God writing through him for women”. I don’t accept that – any longer- those days of accepting that are behind me. Everyday, I sit with myself, and I see I am at ease, at peace, and allowing. My spirit is allowing me to see beyond my sight, a stillness I have yearned for, for so many years.
It is because I am finding my balance. That balance, that in between, where you realize this fabric world is not all, that my exeperience here is about the experience of finding myself, finding ME!
Not, finding a man, finding a relationship that will last forever, because it does not exist for me, and I am content with that. I don’t have to dream for a man to come into my life, for I am living a NU life now. I’ve reincarnate with my eyes open. A metamorphosis while still awake. This is the What Then, which is the What NOW.
So, I ask you the same question, What If You Never Marry? What Then?
See you tomorrow, and thank you for supporting!
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